LeoC: Another chapter of life~

To be frank, not even once have I thought of reviving my blog but today, as I am sitting right now in the campus library and my both feet kissing this ground that feels so farmiliar yet remote to me, I know I'd better put all my thoughts accruing from the past nine days into words for I know not when I would be back to this site again.

There was definitely a drastic leap of my life and my emotion alike when I first stepped out from MAS airplane and walked towards the custom counters: I am now on my own. The feelings were so jumbled up as I couldn't make up whether I was excited or not. Maybe the intermediate between two. The day before I was literally sulking having known that the day that I had been apprehensive of had finally come and yet, all over her weathered face was an expression denoting no emotion at all. Her tone was even flat when she was urging me to dress up and get ready into the car. Yeah, she had had enough. I boarded the plane later shrugging off the weight after talking to her in the phone.

Living on my own was not actually a big deal. I just knew I was not going to be a loner. So, it is to my greatest relief that I have this girl friend staying two units away from where I live. The passion in one fresh relationship might be so strong that it actually makes your first few days in a new living environment heaven; but when the reality sinks in, I have acknowledged the need to sustain it- and yeah, that is when the experiences from the past start to haunt, so much so that I begin to take many initiatives to keep the fire burning on. You might say one-way relationship never works out in the end - for me, I don't give a damn. The resources are mine to give and I am too tired to bother whether others will cherish them or not. Well, I guess most of them go to waste.

Yet, there's this small contradictory voice in me that actually urges me to take chances.
This teensy hope that hopes for the best.
Yeah, that's all I need.

It's been a very long while since I got involved in drama, and the memory of being a drama props in secondary school life seems so remote to me now.....

I used to think that...

Being indifferent is something despicable.
Giving up is the notion a coward holds.
But to stand up relentless against all odds, to be overly obsessed with wins and losses, how ever steady is a wall, would one day be crumbled by a sheer drop of rain, or just a breath of wind.

A dimension of ambiguity. A universe of relativity. A universe within universe - the indivisibility of a particle.

So are these all about philosophy or science? No. Absolutely no. Who am I to explain all these self-contradictory theories? I am born to live, and I , at the bottom of my heart, want to live to the fullest. It's something absolute for me. Long time ago, I'd assume that what was general was surely impeccable, a perfection. With all the little confidence that's left in me, I couldn't even resist the orthodox. I cloned people's views and squeezed them into my own, like a child forcing a square block into a round slot. Then, judgement ensued. My own judgement in which I tailored all my thoughts on the ground of people's measures - I became a hypocrite to myself, contradicting myself while thinking i was dignified at being same as everyone else. No one would think I am eccentric, or deviant, or a weirdo. No one would throw me a contemptuous glance. How nice was that! However, time proved me wrong, very wrong indeed: I have lost myself. I see millions of people with my own eyes, but have seldom spared some time to look at myself . To include everyone into my daily lives but not myself, it's so paradoxical. My entity has become questionable. I don't even feel farmiliar with the face I see when standing in front of mirror.

Why?

Well, I guess Jon, you know the answer. I know the answer, too.

For me, the answer is absolute. Because it's my own view. I have faith in it, and faith in Jon's.
To my pleasure, I knew that someone understands. It's well enough for me. It offers more than I have bargained for. However, a subtle feeling would sometimes arise that I fear that I've put faith in wrong person. Some sort of subconciousness. Nevertheless, I want to say here that I am not investing my trust on people I like. Now, I just feel comfortable to trust whom I should trust. Jon, if you are reading this, I will honestly tell you that I want you to be happy to have read this. Just feel like doing it. Nothing ghey here and nothing flattery.

Until then, I have somehow changed my attitude in my college ( If anyone has read my posts about college life before). I am OK with it - That's enough. Being occasionally reflective on some deep stuffs while in college, I would just shrug it off - That's enough. Having burdened with all the current pressures of homeworks and tests - That's definitely enough. Just let it be, life's too short to cry over the spilt milk.

Jason: take that naan la...
Vincent: Oh...Free of charge ah...keke..

Yeah... Back to old times in the mamak. How Vincent was biting that naan and spat out some while laughing at his own alaska jokes and everyone stared at him in silence... den broke into laughter... Maybe some dirty jokes..or shooting each other..Aha.. what a nice moment we've had... Life is not all beers and skittles, but a moment of laughing, joking and back to our real self, not to worry and think twice before we say out something, is what I really value.

Night hasn't been so relaxing to me...

It's December. I happen to find out that Enya's latest album, '' And Winter Came'', is available in any SPEEDY retail store. The album cover itself is intriguing: Snowy background with the New Age giant herself standing beside a silver merry-go-round pony. As usual, her ethereal singing never fails - And this time with a brilliant Christmas touch! From holiday bells ringing in the '' Train and Winter's Rain' to the Gaelic rendition of "Silent Night', Enya's voice journeys you through the musing realm of winter( even in Malaysia!) and indeed, portrays before you the festive season in the very essence of the singer herself ...

Alright... Now I'm gonna review on a very powerfully-performed song inside the album - Though as naive or childish as it sounds, '' One Toy Soldier', has its lyric so subtly written. The song vividly interpreted one of the Hans Christian Andersen’s most romantic tales, The Steadfast Tin Soldier and is in itself a musical of the story. The lyric is as follow:

A shatter of white on an emerald-green field, above which sky of azure painted a promising morning, reciprocated the warmth of heaven's eye with brilliant smiles. Into the distant, the dandelions robustly stretched across Grassland of Prontera, snaked through the riverbank and nimbly crossed the water by dwelling on an aged decrepit wooden bridge. On the other side of the bridge, the undergrowth faltered. Greenery began to die out into a borderless desert, with occasionally conspicuous cacti sighted from the horizon. Dead with stagnated air, Sograt Desert, a land so remote to the citizens of Rune Midgard....

Inside the sanctuary of Prontera Metropolis, a hurtling footfalls echoed through the aisle. At the end of the passageway, it was the room of Father Bamph. The High Priest, looked as if he had anticipated the visitor, put down the parchment he was reading and stood up. Approaching the door swiftly, he could hear someone puffing and panting outside. He then unlocked the door, revealing an acolyte who was about to knock on it. The acolyte looked apprehensive as she stared into the Father's eyes, for her clenched fist was only a hair breadth away from hitting on the High Priest's head.

Spotting the uneasy and fearful countenance of the acolyte, Father Bamph waved his hand to stop her from rigmarole of apology. There was something more important and urgent he had been expecting from her. He then eyed on the letter grasped in the acolyte's hand, and said: '' So, the King has replied my request, hasn't he? Hand over the letter.''

The acolyte nodded in a grotsque way, and her breath began to intensify, as if she were being strangled from behind. Tears started to roll off her cheek and her body was shuddering violently. Father Bamph began to acknowledge something was not right, not to say the atmosphere in the aisle began to turn freezing cold. Suddenly, with a surge of wind whizzed in from the other end of the passage, the lights on the wall were doused, one by one, no sooner than a swooshing sound that emerged from the darkening end of corridor. The acolyte let out a shriek (''Run. Father!''), at the instant a dash of bloods rained upon the Father's face. Startled, the Father's eyes were fixed upon a silver seven-bladed Katar that cruelly jabbed through the feeble body of his follower.

Father Bamph stood there, with a solemn register in his face , narrowed his eyes as he inspected the surrounding: '' Though countless bloods of innocents you have shed, Iruga, you should have taken mine on the very first thought you entered this sanctuary. My follower should be spared, at least, for letting you in. Now, now, the King has decided, my request is answered, and my life is wholly in your hand....''

A voice, barely a whisper, yet Father Bamph caught every single word, filled the chilly air: Haha... I am not paying even a speck of my concern into the letter's answer.You are right. What I want is you, Father. Your life would, certainly, worth more than just the content of a royal parchment and... Ahh! bits of your nosiness. For once I take it away, I shall fail the Order you've been planning. The King is too foolish to have put faith in you and you know what ensues your death, Father. Any last word? I guess not.''

Abruptly, a brilliant flash of red light wedged through the blinding darkness, followed by a faint hoarse wail, then everything was back to silence again. Under the shaft of sunlight that fell gently from the wall, a blood-stained letter was illuminated on the hand of an old man with a wide tear in the middle. A line of words was revealed above a crimson sealing wax: ...hereby consent the establishment of the Ymir Order...''

There is a very very little hope deep down in my heart, trivial and..ah..yes...unnoticeable... yet it has been there for years. Hope to be understood by someone.

It dawned to me yesterday that, someone spoke my mind. I instantly appreciated it. I was very glad. For a weirdo like me that was being constantly labeled by other people, someone finally knew what i really wanted, what i really thought. Besides an old friend, i guess he's the one who, though very frank the way he spoke, saw where I was lingering about. Thanks, Beng.

Very often that people ignore others' existence, those who are, simply, negligible. Sometimes, if someone can just notice one's presence, it is an utmost pleasure to him/her. Some people happened to ask me ' Are you happy today?' ' You look happy today.' Lols, thanks, I know I have but a choice whether to adjust my emo feeling, or not. I don't want to be emo, but sometimes when it gets overwhelming, I can only adjust.

15/11. Gala night for JPA seniors, as a token of their parting after completing AUSMAT programme. Nice food, nice atmosphere. Especially when it came to senior's sharing session, you can just feel the emotion everywhere. I then took some photos, in fact I wanted to update my blog Lols.

Well, I posted in forum but there were many criticisms =(. Anyways, this is my 1st time using photoshop~ Comment on it, Daniel^^

Well, Mr Wind's birthday was actually on last Wednesday, but due to the fact that everyone was busy, the celebration was postponed to Sunday's night. To start off with, Mr Wind himself asked everyone to go to his house by 6pm on that day. The very thought arose in all of us in which we assumed we are gonna celebrate at his house, but it turned out to be an outing again^^. Before that, I went to Giant and bought him an anime DVD called ' Romeo X Juliet': Thought he like this kind of shoujo animation as he was very fond for certain shoujo comics =X. As everyone gathered, we set off to the Telepon Restaurant (Have no idea why it would link to telephone). It was some sort of steamboat restaurant. Here are the photos:















Everyone was waiting for the waiter to set up the steamboat. It was already near 7pm as we were going to start the feast^^.














Kinda dark ==. It was actually some meats being grilled on the pan around the steamboat.




















Ahzim, the only malay friend that was with us^^.




















Foo's doing some sort of ''de-glazing'' stuff, he defined it as scrapping off the excess oils.




















Wye Lup and Jon ~




















WALA~ The birthday boy!

Well, Happy birthday Jason! Watch the anime i bought for u ~ @@

Hari Raya Break ^.^

On Thursday whereby once i finished math class, i quickly headed to Taman Bahagia LRT station with Chang Win and Siao Fen. Yeah, going back to Sungai Petani to visit my relatives, seeing i couldn't go back on my grandma death anniversary. There were something embarassing happen on the way heading to Pudu Bus Terminal ( and i think it is verbally indescribable), but everything went fine as i stayed in my aunt's house in Sungai Petani for 2 days. It was until the 3rd day, i went back to kampung in Gurun. It is a very very old house, with noticeably zinc roofs and wooden walls. In front, it was where my granduncle runs his business - selling handmade rattan furniture and handicrafts. There is a small shop beside, recently built, in which my uncle sells computers and accesories and does all sort of repairs. The house was built, dated back before WWII. Anyways, something really big happened the day i was in kampung~

Well, here are some photos i took in my kampung - Nostalgic =)


My little cousins playing computer in the living room.


Something i missed the most - family sitting together to have a lunch. Haven't been doing this with family for years already. Inside the photo are my aunts, granduncle, and a kakak =)


The sunlight peering through the roof that illuminated the old nostalgic rattan furniture.


How these furniture weathered through the time......


My cousin and my uncle inside the shop.


The face of the computer shop =)


Nostalgic...


Outside the wooden house

Well, as I was inside the shop (for there was air conditioner inside), talking to my aunt. Suddenly, my aunt saw many people rushed outside and my grandaunt looked panic. Well, I followed out the shop and this was what i saw...


in the sky...

and there was a row of houses on fire, not far from where my grandaunt house was. So, everyone ran to the backyard of the wooden house, as the smoke whizzed over the roof from behind, and...

this was where the smokes came from...




It was said that someone left the stove on unnoticed, and the gas tank exploded. The weather was hot and there was strong wind, which my grandaunt worried that the fire would spread (Luckily it didn't), eventually all the wooden houses in that row burnt down to earth.


One interesting thing was the kampung people. Most of them were rushing to help, yet many just came to 'kepo'. All came by motorbikes or bikes just gathered around and looked at the fire scene, and talked loudly about it as if their houses were the one on fire. It was like something exciting that triggered the whole rural area, everyone just stopped by and went to had a look and robustly gossiped about it. Even after the incident, the excitement still never ceased.
I guess, this is what makes kampung always a kampung =)

So, kampung trip was marked with an end as I went back to Puchong today (Sunday, 28/09/08), where I was going to have a class gathering. Not many people came, but it was fun. Especially meeting back Nina and Fati, I just couldn't help feeling happy to chat with them.


Whole gang sitting in the mamak shop and chatting.


Ira and Fati. (from left)

Well, i was informed that today was Yee Yan's birthday. So Mun Fai, Y Lup and Sai Hoong secretly bought a cake for her. Tadaa... Happy Birthday, Yee Yan =)




Birthday girl was making wishes =)


It was like a press conference as everyone was snapping Yee Yan cutting her cake.


Isha =)


Two good friends


Group photo =D

So, this concludes everything. The kampung trip was memorable, simply memorable. The gathering was nice, but not many people came (which was a downside). I guess there are always ups and downs in life, but if look brightly, it might just be the same.
Ciaoz =)

sWent Zoo Negara for voluntary program today. It was organised by A-Level Club and I joined it with few other AUSMAT friends. Well, it was very early in the morning, around 7 am, that I reached col with Calvin and Ji Hong. Departed from col by col shuttles, and reached the zoo about half an hour later, we had some briefings from zookeepers. Me and another four friends (Calvin, Nic, Gabriel, Siao Fen) formed a grouped and were assigned to Zoo Veterinary Hospital. It was..well..cool =) Sweeping dead leaves in the hospital compound. LOL, I felt abit sien but it was cool as entering the hospital, I saw a lioness with its tail amputated. It kept staring at me - as if i were food or something =(. Fleshy and fatty, exactly something it devours, huh? Then, we finished the task and were allowed to go around the zoo for some sorta break. The animals here were less than the time I first visited the zoo, I didn't know why though, and we joked as we reached the 'bear zone'. Then, we took some photos before we got back to our work again. It was disposing the expired medicines. It was like..well....swt-ish.. as I was recording the medicines, some of which should have been disposed 16 years ago. As the task completed, the veterinarian, Mr Kairul disposed all the tablets and pills into a tray. The rest were packed into boxes. This was the cool part. Nicholas and I brought the boxes to a lab, whereby the reaction he entered the lab (he entered first) was a sign that which alarmed me. As i followed in, I took a deep breath and It was like WOAH, pasar malam smell! A mixture of rotten fish and bad egg smell. As Mr Kairul opened a big freezing room (don't know what should it be called XD), my heart instantly gave a jerk. Two lion corpses - which was then tailed by the smell that surged into my nostrils - I felt nauseaous at that instant. I quickly held my breath and put the box in, and rushed out from there. A nice experience, though =). Then, we took some photos with Mr Kairul before we left the hospital. It was raining already. Well, we walked in the zoo with umbrellas, experiencing the first-time ever ''Safari in Rain'' ( in addition to this, all animals hided in the shelter so actually we didn't really see anything except some buffaloes and sun bears). There was also a bee exhibition. I bought a propolis honey, whereas Calvin bought another (which i forgot the name) , and we bargained, and got discount of rm8 for mine and rm2 for Calvin's. We later said we should have bargained more. Lastly, the day ended with a photo session with A Level students and...well..back to col.


Sweeping dead leaves




Some fishes i managed to snap in Aquarium.


The Zoo Veterinary Hospital


The Egg Incubator inside the Lab.


Fossil of some sort of big clam shell?


The tailless lioness =)


Calvin posing as if his head were being bitten by the skeletal thingy.


The cages where the injured and sick animals are admitted.


From left: Nicholas, Calvin, Gabriel and Siao Fen. We were recording and classifying the medicines.


Taking photo with Mr Kairul, the vet who guided us through the voluntary work.


Taking photo in front of the Zoo Theater.


Two cute penguins =)


Woohoo! Safari in Rain ~


Group photo with A-Level students before we left the zoo.


Zoo Volunteers!

Well, one day I might go back to the zoo for the work gain, since i already registered as volunteer =)